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Carefully listen to your children

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Carefully listen to your children:

Due to the generation gap, sometimes communication with children become difficult. At times parents feel that their children aren’t listening to them attentively so do the children. For successful parenting, good communication skills are extremely important. As parents, it’s your duty to value the feelings, opinions, and choices about everything. To break the communication barrier give them proper time, make them sit let them speak their heart out, and listen real carefully. Although it is a natural tendency of human beings to react than to respond it’s not fair to pass any judgment on the basis of your own instincts and observations. Responding is all about being receptive to what children feel, their emotions, and letting them express themselves without any fear of retaliation from you. Reacting to them feelings they perceive a soft signal their thoughts and believes are not sensible, however by responding and inquiring about their thoughts assure them that their parents are keenly interested in them. In this way, communication becomes open like a dialog which paves the way for them to discuss their feeling more openly and gives you a better chance to understand what they are trying to say. The polite response also works in favor to find out the most appropriate action plan for their problems which they can’t able to figure out by themselves. Deep inside your child will surly acknowledge the respect you’ve given to his/her feelings. When they feel down in life for some reason it is very critical to give them your full and exclusive attention. Whenever you find out what they are going through stop everything you’ve doing develop eye contact with them. Show curiosity and held your composure when they are talking and offer the best possible solution when they finished.

Feeling upset, anger happens with every individual because these are normal things, so never demoralize them when they feel such things. Your first priority to say or do something which helps your child to come out of this situation. After they inquire about them politely by using precise words that why they reached this situation and offer them a resolution to cheer up their feeling. Same like adults children also face tough phases. To have an open conversation in which they speak more and you only listen make them feel that you do care for them, want to help them, and know exactly what they’re going through. Chances of success will be more if you respond to them rather than reacting.

Analyzing the thought process of your children:

Every child is curious because at that age they want to learn and understand anything and everything quickly. As they become older they start looking at things from a different perspective than you. At a young age, most children feel that questioning and breaking the rules set by their parents is just like committing a crime. At that age don’t like to listen to long explanations of why doing certain things isn’t good for them like playing with friends etc. but they always strive for is to make their parents proud and cheerful. So if you want them to follow the rules of the house explain to them that it makes you feel happy when you obey the rules. Avoid dominating attitude as much as possible because it only stacks up frustration and anger. At adolescent age they need more explanation to form you, so whenever they ask you something give them clearly stated, to the point and honest answer. This is the best time for you to react to any rule-breaking. You can restrict anything which they love doing such as playing with friends if they don’t follow what you’ve asked them. You should be straightforward, firm, and consistent with them at this age. It is an indication of their growth as an individual thinker if they question the reason behind that rule so don’t discourage or feel angry if they do this because it is their way of thinking.

Maintaining the Self-esteem of your children:

It is common to say that children learn from their surroundings. If you want to build their strong self-esteem and self-respect you have to lead them by example. Whenever you speak out for yourself and enlighten your strengths, they perceive that it’s ok to be proud of your capabilities, talents, and plus points. They feel more confident from positive and honest appreciation. Try to find something good about them and hails it more often but not to such an extent which makes them arrogant and spoils humbleness in them. If your child is any kind of rough patch, have an open conversation with them and listen to them without becoming judgmental and critic. This will enable you to find the root cause behind that and give them a solution that most probably works for them. Don’t try to impose anything on them and leave some space for them so that if they face such a situation in the future they don’t feel any hesitation coming to you for help. They have confidence whenever they approach you for help you don’t judge or punish them and also disclose any bit of the conversation that happened between you and them. Train them to set goals, develop an action plan to complete, and then dedicate all your energy to achieve this. Guide them beginning always happens with small steps and not get too worried about the future. Not only hail their achievements and hard work but also the ways how they can improve more to get better at the completion of the project. Show your love verbally many times a day by saying “I love you” or anyway you feel comfortable. Anytime they misbehave with you don’t say them you don’t like them rather say that you only don’t like their behavior. Silently write sweet notes on their personal belongings such as lunchboxes and coat pockets etc. You can even send them a card in the mail also, you will feel that they start returning their love to you.

Develop strong work ethics and teamwork in your children:

Encouraging them to participate in different chores can be helpful to build a sense of responsibility and self-belief in them. Family members should understand that participating in children in running household duties is necessary for their character building. Parents should carefully divide chores among the children to save them from frustration and arguments. Allow your children to do the duties allocated to them in their own way just take care that they don’t hurt or harm themselves or siblings. Figure out what they enjoy doing the most and handover that chore to them, they will surely feel happy from the fact that they’ve heard and had the freedom of choice. Try to create a healthy competition environment between different contenders in the early stages for the completion of a chore. Aware them they have to face some criticism if they don’t put their maximum effort in their performance, set some consequences which they have to face if they aren’t able to complete the task or their performance will be below par. Point out the areas on which they need to improve and appreciate them if their performance is up to the mark. Make them realize that if they don’t perform well then it also affects the other members of the team. Mothers should work as a team and lead by example for their children by completing the chores on time. They should emphasize the consequences and negative impact of uncompleted chores on the other members of the family. Motivate the child in an open mind when anyone from them wants to express their way of thinking about something and make sure the conversation between you and those stays healthy and to the point.

Uniformity, a key to success:

Uniformity or consistency is the key while teaching discipline to your children. It prevents your children’s small bad habits from becoming bigger personality faults. Through consistency, they’re able to learn that there are certain consequences for inappropriate actions which they have to face. It is possible only if both the partners are strict towards discipline because in this way there is nothing much left to run for children, but if one of the parents is not so concerned or strict regarding discipline then it becomes easier for the child to run through that situation. Parents should agree that they will not compromise on discipline no matter what. Implementation of discipline becomes difficult in situations like divorce or separation of parents. Parents should keep aside the separation thing and try to maintain discipline in their children, try to keep their differences out of the earshot of children. Consistency is all about being invincible and standing your ground even if it becomes difficult and breathtaking particularly when you return from a hard day’s work and a hard night of parenting is waiting for you. Standing firm means that you expect nothing less than taking responsibility for their deeds. Generally, it is observed that the children of involved parents feel more confident, have more self-belief and they perform way better than the children of non-involved children both in curricular and extracurricular activities.

Don’t be over-friendly with your children:

As a parent, it is good to be involved in the activities of your child but at the same time, you’ve to take care of limits of friendliness because this will reduce that respect and regard barrier between the two. Also, children need time and privacy to grow as a person, develop new skills, and polish their talent. Invading their privacy and try to over advise them will shatter their confidence level because they start doubting themselves that they are doing it in the wrong way. Parents need to understand that it is their time to learn and thrive so let them do in their own way. Learning is a two-way process there is a fair chance that you as a parent learn something innovative from them, as a parent you also have to be available for them whenever they need to talk on something. Encourage them to share their problems and help them in sorting them out. If they say, they don’t want to talk to you about any particular matter and they need some space to figure it out for themselves. Respect their opinion also and let them know you’re available whenever they need it. It is the most integral part of the growth of the learning process of children. It enables the child to handle the situation on his/her own.

Discipline becomes easier when expectations are clear:

Communication with a child can be very challenging at times but you have to communicate your child and draw a clear line that what is acceptable behavior and what not, and also enlighten them about the after-effects of committing any misbehave. Say it loud and clear that bad behavior and discipline will be non- negotiable. For younger children, you can use the idea of making a good behavior chart and set some special prize or something attractive which will be awarded to that child if the whole weak go without making any mistake. At that age quality time with their parents is the only currency which they aware of.

Inspire them to feel good:

To feel worthy and confident is very necessary for the healthy development of the child. Self-confidence act as a shield for the child against the hardships of the world. It becomes a lot easier for kids who have more self-belief to handle the challenges and pressure of life. They take life as a challenge, smile at it, and move on readily. Such kids are self-motivated, practical, and optimistic, it is also observed that children who feel good about themselves shine at every stage of life whether its academics, extracurricular activities, and interacting with people. They get along smoothly. In contrast to it, children who have slightly low confidence find the challenges of life very painful and frustrating, they also find it very tough to deal with the problems and become depressed, dull and passive with the passage of time. Parents have a big role in the feelings of their children. It boosts the confidence of any child when one from parents praise their child whenever he/she do well in anything. Parents need to praise the positive traits which they blessed with and urge them to find ways to learn from mistakes, but be careful while praising them that it has to be honest and sincere. Share your experiences that you also doubted yourself at some point in time and made many mistakes but at the end of the day what keeps you moving is the love and care of your parents. Your child will learn from the example which you set for them by nurturing your self-esteem and try to do the same. During childhood most of the children have vague and irrational beliefs about themselves and their traits, make them realize what is right and what is wrong so that they can focus on the right things and improve themselves. Motivate your child to be a part of teamwork activities because teamwork and such other positive attributes help your child in developing strong self-belief and carry it till the adolescent age.

Children always follow your actions not words:

Imitation is something which children start doing at a very young age and through this, they also perceive how to behave in a certain situation, equip themselves with the new skillset and interact with each other. As a parent, you have to be extra careful about your actions, how you react during their childhood period because at that stage they observe you closely and base their own behavior and beliefs at these observations. Your examples fit as a permanent image in their brain and they mold their attitude and actions according to that for the rest of their life. To be persistent, responsible, and loving put a positive impact on your children. While doing all this you have to take good care of yourself, because when you shift your focus on your family chances of neglecting yourself become much more evident. If you take proper care of yourself it will send a signal to your children that not only you care and love them but you also love and care yourself also. When you set an example for your children your behavior with your spouse also needs to be pleasant, show your child how you communicate in a healthy manner with each other. When you starting to show love and affection for each other your children start to pick very early how a healthy marriage should be like.

To make the long story beware of your words and actions when your children are around you, your words and actions should be such that they’ll help your child in building a strong sense of security and self-belief.

Control your anger:

Although anger is one of the emotions like happiness and sorrow it can be a paralyzing and devastating thing. If you’re expressing your anger on your child it will affect them deeply and can be a frightening and demolishing experience for them. Any kind of abuse like physical and verbal can have a long-lasting and horrific impact on them, so as a parent it is very crucial to keep your anger in your control no matter what. It is a great opportunity for you as a parent to undo all the shameful things from your child which you have done in your childhood if you have faced the anger and abuse of your parents. If you have some unsolved hurt and anger in your past then try to heal yourself. If you’re not able to do it, there could be a chance that you harm your child unwillingly or unthinkably. Many studies have demonstrated that such a child becomes difficult to control whose mother express more anger at them. As a parent, it is important to choose your battle. Misbehaves like children hurting themselves, other members of the house, or anything or stuff in the house demand a strong and suitable response. In such situations, you constantly need to remind yourself that you’re the one in control of your anger. Before addressing any situation if you feel that your anger will breakout strongly then take a break from all the chaos, take a deep breath, walk away, and do any possible thing to attain grip on yourself.

Learn from your mistakes and your children will follow your footsteps:

Making mistakes is very much a normal thing, although some mistakes are more important and hard to get away. How an individual deals with these mistakes shows how much guts he/she has. It is a relatively easy job for such children who learns from their childhood that it is not a big deal to make a mistake and to admit it. Mostly these children also formalize a strategy to change the mistake and not to repeat the same thing. The whole process of making mistakes and learning from it is a treasured skill to have for anyone, but the basic key behind all this is a risk. There is no guaranty that every time a child takes risk he/she succeeds but the good thing about this is that even if they don’t succeed they learned a life lesson from this. Children with low self-confidence totally different in dealing with mistakes. Most of them aren’t able to use that experience for their advantage and it starts frightening them to try new things. Fear of losing gets so big in them which stops them from exploring new opportunities, so consequently, they got stuck into this and can’t able to move on. If you really want to help your child to overcome any mistake, first make them realize that you’re not alone who commits mistake everyone does mistake. Own your mistake with a big heart to set an example that there is no shame in committing a mistake. Make sure that they understand properly what you’re trying to show them then at the end suggest some strategies to convert that mistake into a learning opportunity. Make them realize that mistake is the problem, not you. Give them some useful tips to increase their self-esteem.

 

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