Why marriages succeed or Fail
Most people walk down the aisle, planning to stay in marriage until death, as most of them would vow, but this is not always the case. According to Gottman (2007), most marriages end up in divorce after several years of breakups. Gottman tells us that more than half of first marriages fail after a short time, and the second ones are even worse and do not succeed either (p.177). There are many reasons as to why some marriages succeed while a good number of them fail.
According to Gottman, most unregulated couples are more likely to fail in their marriages because they spent most of their time attacking each other. They tend to argue over small things, blame each other, and generally hate one another, and this is what makes their marriages fail (Gottman, 2007). However, the author informs us that these negative exchanges are destructive to promoting closeness between couples and are distressing to them. Negative exchanges make couples see each other as enemies, and the more they spent time together, the more their emotional attraction is lost.
Couples need to understand that they can still make their marriages successful because frequent arguments do not always lead to divorce. According to Gottman, it is easy to predict which marriages would succeed or fail based on the behavior of couples. Those whose marriages are likely to succeed have good ways of resolving conflicts. In successful marriages, couples avoid criticism, contempt, stonewalling, and defensiveness (Gottman, 2007). He also advises couples to built the lives of shared meanings and increase closeness towards each other. Couples are also encouraged to visit marriage therapists for advice on how they can live together happily. Even if your marriage is trembling, it is better to look for means to alter its course instead of giving up.